1.The Best Is Yet to Come
Intimacy morphs as the years go by. But just because you and your partner aren’t your 20-something selves in the sack doesn’t mean your between-the-sheets behavior can’t be hotter than ever. Here’s your guide to how sex naturally evolves with time and ways to make the most of those shifts.
2. In Your 30s
It becomes an end to a means—of procreation. Hear your biological clock ticking? Enjoyment can take a hit as encounters are timed to up the odds of hitting baby bingo, explains Carole Lieberman, MD, psychiatrist and author of Bad Girls: Why Men Love Them & How Good Girls Can Learn Their Secrets. Focus on having fun instead of meeting a goal. Remember: Some sessions go well, and some don’t. Spend more time talking and less under pressure.It cansuffer from crazy schedules. When you were in your 20s, sex was probably easy. Now, with careers ramping up, mortgages being signed and family and social obligations in full swing, a sex life that was on autopilot may need a pilot light. The best spark is an open and honest conversation. Make time to catch up with each other over coffee if that’s all the time you have. “Express your dreams and clear the air. From there, it’s not such a long distance to the bedroom,” notes Tina B. Tessina, PhD, author of Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Arguing About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage
3. In Your 40s
Temptation to cheatmay creep in. Many people start to feel insecure about their desirability in this decade, despite being married. The need to prove they’ve still got it, sometimes with younger partners, may arise. “Trying to keep up with someone with more energy than you only causes more sexual stress,” explains Nancy Irwin, PsyD. It’s always better to keep the passion alive in your marriage rather than destroying it with an affair. How to do that? “Focus on what still works and feels good,” says Dr. Irwin. “And talk about memorable sex you’ve had together. That’ll inspire you to recreate it.”You can use experience to your advantage. By now, you know how sex, your own body and, if this is a long time partner, his body and psyche work. Use your knowledge to enhance each rendezvous, suggests Dr. Tessina. Try playing his favorite album as a prelude to sex. Or use scents you know he likes in the bedroom. And ask him to do the same for you—he won’t judge because he’s been by your side this long.Spontaneous sex is rarer. But there’s good news: Long-term couples develop signals affectionate pats, looks and compliments that go a long way toward getting each other in the mood, explains Dr. Tessina. Often we don’t recognize these because we’re too wrapped up in our thoughts. “You have to be looking at your partner to know he’s looking at you. Try it!” urges Dr. Tessina. And don’t hesitate to make a suggestion, such as “I like it when you touch me on the shoulder.”